Andy Coulson Delighted To Overhear DPP Telling PM No Charges Will Be Brought

Mr Coulson just can't seem to keep his ear from flapping

Top Downing Street spin doctor and former News Of The World editor Andy Coulson had a happy accident at work today, in which he fortuitously knocked the receiver off his office phone and chanced to overhear Keir Starmer, the Director of Public Prosecutions, telling David Cameron that there was insufficient evidence to support fresh claims of phone hacking at the paper during his chief communications hack’s editorship.

“I was just bending over to tie up a loose shoelace, and I must have banged my head against the handset somehow,” a tittering Mr Coulson told reporters. “Normally of course I would have replaced it immediately, but I happened to hear my name mentioned. Just imagine my surprise on hearing Mr Starmer informing the prime minister that, due to a tragic workplace disaster involving a tube of superglue and a stack of ‘Property of Rupert Murdoch’ labels, neither Sean Hoare nor any of the other reporters now seem able to enlarge upon their initial brief statements to the Crown Prosecution Service.”

“I should think my former lackeys must be feeling pretty hacked off right now,” spluttered Mr Coulson, before collapsing in a fit of laughter.