He’s A Very Naughtie Boy

A completely unjustified and gratuitous minger shot

James Naughtie, the presenter of Radio 4’s Today programme, has humbly apologised to shocked listeners after ill-advisedly announcing a cunt live on air.

“I made an unpardonable slip-up this morning when I told listeners that I had Culture Secretary Jeremy H*** with me in the studio,” the red-faced broadcaster admitted. “I’m terribly sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Squirming BBC bosses confirmed that long-standing guidelines specifically banned the cunt from the airwaves.

“In this day and age pretty much anything goes, particularly after the nine o’clock watershed,” said embarrassed Director-General Mark Thompson. “But this cunt is utterly objectionable, and should never be broadcast under any circumstances.”

The government confirmed that anybody would, quite rightly, be mortally offended by the slightest mention of Jeremy H***.

“It’s disgusting and there’s simply no need for it,” admitted a spokesman for the Department of Culture, Media and Sport. “Believe me, you don’t want to see the filthy obscenities scribbled on the lavatory walls round here by civil servants who have to work with that unmentionable cunt.”