Trailer parks across the United States are emptying rapidly as millions of unemployed Americans head for ITV's California studios, hoping for a chance to be patronised in front of the nation by Jeremy Kyle.
"Whee-doggie!" said Cletus McCoy, an inbred Arkansas hooch addict and father of ten. "Ah jes' cain't wait ta be told ta grow a backbone bah a gen-yew-ine Limey girly man!"
"Sherralee, ya cocksuckin' bitch!" he added. "Git me mah shotgun!"
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