As the British economy finally burst out of recession today after recording economic growth of 21p, two washers, a bottle cap and a button, the international money markets reacted to the cheering news by sending the pound nosediving to a horrifying low of 1.6158 dollars (1.1482 euros; 1.1264 bottle caps; 1.0174 washers; parity with the button).
"Make no mistake - thanks to my inspired search down the back of the sofa, Britain's economy is well and truly back on the rails," beamed chancellor Alistair Darling. "Only today, the Evening Standard reports not only that unemployment in Britain has fallen by one, but a cheap restaurant had a booking for a table for two."
"Yes, the boom starts here," he went on. "Not that we're going back to the bad old days of boom-and-bust economics, of course. No, this one's going to last forever."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to draft a quick bill to change the currency of Britain to the washer," he added.
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