The way Britain is governed has gone seriously wrong and is in urgent need of reform, according to a group of former Whitehall mandarins.
The 'Bugger Government' Initiative points the finger of blame for ill thought-out legislation squarely at ministers, whom it says are untrained and move on too swiftly to ever get to grips with the complexities of their departments.
"These bloody clowns come and go with the tides," claims the report, whose authors include the former Iraq inquiry chairman Lord Butler, current Iraq inquiry chairman Sir John Chilcot and MPs' expenses auditor Sir Thomas Legg. "They are hideously unqualified to run their departments, and just when you think you've finally got the silly sods housetrained, they go and balls it up by listening to public opinion. Next thing you know, there's been another damn fool election - and in through the revolving door comes another grinning chimp. Where's the continuity? It's madness."
Prime Minister Gordon Brown - who, incidentally, has proved the report's point by his exemplary handling of the economy through ten uninterrupted years as Chancellor of the Exchequer - is studying the report with interest.
"If truth be told, I've never been a great fan of representative democracy," he told reporters, as he was being fitted for a purple toga in Number Ten. "I've barely been prime minister for two years, and in a couple of months some grinning twerp is going to waltz in here and wreck the fruits of all my hard work before I've really even got started. Perhaps it's not too late to wallop a quick bit of legislation through under the Parliament Act, abolishing all this voting malarkey. Then I can hand-pick the most gifted geniuses from the City meritocracy and get the country well and truly back on its feet."
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