Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Russia Buys Bankrupt Island Nation Nobody Has Heard Of

Iceland, a country nobody has ever heard of, has been bought by Russia after its entire banking-based economy collapsed.

The small, volcanic island - situated on the edge of the Arctic Circle, halfway between New York and Moscow - was settled by itinerant Vikings in 874 AD, and then completely forgotten by the whole world until quirky pop sensation Björk started yelping like a dog having its bollocks repeatedly slammed in a door.

In the 90s Iceland recklessly abandoned strips of salted cod as its units of currency and adopted the share instead, basing its entire economy on the charmingly naïve premise that the worldwide trading boom could not possibly end.

This morning, however, Icelanders woke up to find that they and their entire country were worth absolutely nothing whatsoever. The Russians quickly moved in with an offer to buy the whole country for 50 roubles, which was gratefully accepted by an emergency meeting of the Althing on the dingy, rain-swept Thingvellir plain.

“We put big missile here, here and here,” smiled new owner Vladimir Putin as he studied a map of Iceland. “What is this, please? Does this say ‘Keflavík U.S. Navy Airbase‘? I do not think so, somehow. Deliver eviction notice immediately. You still want new cold war, Mr Bush? I think maybe, hmm, not so sure now, yes?”

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