Monday, 6 October 2008

‘What’s All The Fuss About?’ Asks Met’s Death-Squad Chief

Deputy Assistant Commissioner Cressida Dick, who was in charge of the Metropolitan Police squad that blasted innocent Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes apart, has told the inquest into his death that her officers did nothing “wrong or unreasonable”.

“Mr de Menezes was a victim of terrible and extraordinary circumstances,” she said. “It was unfortunate for him that he came from a country where people have darker complexions than the average Londoner, and especially unfortunate that he was not wearing a big sign saying ‘I am not a terrorist’. Also unfortunate was his highly-suspicious act of getting on public transport, which immediately attracted the attention of our highly-trained surveillance officers. Most unfortunate of all, however, was his decision to run like fuck when he saw a gun-waving death squad making a bee-line straight for him.”

“Basically, it was all his own stupid fault,” she added. “So can we stop this charade of pretending that we care about some dead bloody foreigner and get back to making the streets of London safe for decent people who look like Anglo-Saxons?”

When asked how she felt when she heard that her officers had killed the wrong man, Ms Dick admitted that she felt ‘terrible’.

“It was a terrible thing to happen,” she told the coroner‘s court, producing an onion from her pocket. “I immediately realised that I’d have to face a load of stupid questions for years afterwards.”

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