Mohammed Fayed, a humble shopkeeper, has denied allegations of sexual assault made against him by a 15-year-old girl, after he voluntarily attended a police station interview in West London.
Fayed’s spokeswoman, Katherine Witty, told reporters that the Harrods owner was concerned that news of his interview appeared in the media within the hour, claiming that he was assured that it would remain confidential.
“Mr al-Fayed sees this as conclusive evidence of an MI5 plot to destroy his spotless reputation,” she said. “He immediately realised that the so-called girl was in fact none other than the feared and hated head of the British secret services, Prince Philip, in a wig and a skirt - and he only put his hand up that skirt after grabbing a well-placed set of nutcrackers from the shop counter. That would explain the high-pitched scream as the foiled prince made a hasty getaway in a waiting white Fiat Uno.”