Scouts are to be given advice on safe sex, announced the Scouting Association today as it launched a new set of guidelines aimed at helping its members to understand relationships.
“A typical scoutmaster is a man who chooses to dress in shorts and spend his spare time surrounding himself with teenage boys,” said Chief Scout Peter Duncan, “And as such he bows to nobody when it comes to encyclopaedic knowledge and experience of human sexuality. We‘re keen to encourage young scouts to show their leaders the correct way of putting on a condom - and any upstanding members who can bring Akela to a screaming climax will qualify for our new Rogering Badge.”
“Knot-tying skills will probably come in useful,” he added.
With the police announcing at the weekend that they intend to turn a blind eye to public sex acts in future, the Scouting Association is hoping that the forthcoming Bob-a-Blowjob Week will be an event that the people of Britain will remember for years to come.