Mohammed Fayed, a humble shopkeeper, has denied allegations of sexual assault made against him by a 15-year-old girl, after he voluntarily attended a police station interview in West London.
Fayed’s spokeswoman, Katherine Witty, told reporters that the Harrods owner was concerned that news of his interview appeared in the media within the hour, claiming that he was assured that it would remain confidential.
“Mr al-Fayed sees this as conclusive evidence of an MI5 plot to destroy his spotless reputation,” she said. “He immediately realised that the so-called girl was in fact none other than the feared and hated head of the British secret services, Prince Philip, in a wig and a skirt - and he only put his hand up that skirt after grabbing a well-placed set of nutcrackers from the shop counter. That would explain the high-pitched scream as the foiled prince made a hasty getaway in a waiting white Fiat Uno.”
Showing posts with label Fayed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fayed. Show all posts
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
Monday, 7 April 2008
"I've Been Such A Fool," Says Fayed
Mohammed Fayed today apologised to the Royal Family and to the nation after the Diana Inquest delivered a verdict of unlawful killing, The jury found that his drunk employee, driver Henri Paul, and the paparazzi were jointly responsible for the fatal Paris crash.
“I humbly retract all of my groundless, hysterical accusations,” said a repentant Fayed on the steps of the High Court. “Diana was certainly not murdered by Prince Philip, Prince Charles, MI5, MI6, MI:2 starring Tom Cruise, the SAS, the KGB, the KLF, CBBC, Islamic fundamentalists, the McCanns, Lee Harvey Oswald, Gavrilo Princip, Jack the Ripper, the Spanish Inquisition, Richard III or Pontius Pilate. I would like to withdraw my patently ridiculous claims - and if any of these parties wish to seek compensation, my cheque book is still open after writing one out to cover the massive cost of this entire ten-year farce, which has dragged on for far too long because I was too pig-headed to see the nose in front of my face.”
At that moment, Prince Philip drove past in a white Fiat Uno, coughing loudly.
“Germ warfare!” shrieked Fayed, running back up the steps. “I demand a retrial!”
“I humbly retract all of my groundless, hysterical accusations,” said a repentant Fayed on the steps of the High Court. “Diana was certainly not murdered by Prince Philip, Prince Charles, MI5, MI6, MI:2 starring Tom Cruise, the SAS, the KGB, the KLF, CBBC, Islamic fundamentalists, the McCanns, Lee Harvey Oswald, Gavrilo Princip, Jack the Ripper, the Spanish Inquisition, Richard III or Pontius Pilate. I would like to withdraw my patently ridiculous claims - and if any of these parties wish to seek compensation, my cheque book is still open after writing one out to cover the massive cost of this entire ten-year farce, which has dragged on for far too long because I was too pig-headed to see the nose in front of my face.”
At that moment, Prince Philip drove past in a white Fiat Uno, coughing loudly.
“Germ warfare!” shrieked Fayed, running back up the steps. “I demand a retrial!”
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