US Recognises Climate Change Threatens Polar Bears, Shrugs

U.S. Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne, acting on the advice of leading climatologists, has announced the listing of the polar bear as a threatened species.

Environmental campaigners’ celebrations were, however, halted three seconds later when he added, “I want to make clear that this listing will not stop global climate change or prevent any sea ice from melting."

The listing, which complies with an order from a federal judge ordering the US government to make a decision by today, will not have any effect on American environmental policy, such as George Bush’s granting of even more oil and gas drilling rights in Alaskan polar bear territory back in February.

“What the administration is saying,” explained Mr Kempthorne, “Is that polar bears are fluffy and cute, and we recognise that. But you can’t run an SUV on them.”