London’s new Mayor, Boris Johnson, yesterday joined thousands of Christians at Millwall Stadium to pray for an end to crime and violence in the capital.
The event, part of the Global Day of Prayer, heard Mayor Boris sharing his vision for London and, in a moving speech, asking churches to join him in his mission to cut gun and knife crime.
In a surprise development, Mr Johnson returned to City Hall to find Jesus waiting for him in his office. Later, at a hastily-called press conference, London’s elected leader announced the recruitment of the Son of God to his team.
“Er, cripes, um, umm yes, quite, umm, big news,” declared Mr Johnson. “I was joining the God Squad - no offence - as part of you know, big crackdown on bashi-bazoukery on the streets er sort of thing totally unacceptable state of affairs altogether shocking beyond belief and er err I might have said ‘God help us all’ in the heat of the moment, carried away by the you know um anyway, anyway, get a grip Boris, get a grip, well er… and here He is! Crikey rather sudden still carpe diem Boris and all that, so great pleasure and joy unbounded etc. etc. Yes. Jesus - this fine chap here - is my Personal Saviour and Special Advisor on Crime Reduction. Ok, right, now sit down Boris.”
Stepping humbly up to the microphones of the world’s press, the Son of God announced measures were in hand to reduce binge-drinking by turning vodka mixers into water, bend knives into tiny ploughshares and drive the demon-possessed Dagenham Massive into the sea.
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