Girls ‘At Risk’ Of Being Bitches 24 Hours A Day

Advances in technology now mean that girls are in real danger of making bitchy and spiteful comments 24-seven, according to Jean Gross, England’s frumpy communications champion for young people.

“Anybody who's been a girl, seen a girl or has the vaguest concept of a girl in their head knows that girls can often make each other's lives a misery in school through communication,” she told the Bitches’ Schools Conference in Bristol. “Now the poor dears have got even more ways of excluding each other.”

Shut the fuck up and get your pretty head around the majesty of the 4-2-2

“In times past, girls used to gain a brief daily respite from their own torrents of spite once they got home from school, as at least one family member would have the confidence to tell them to wind their necks in,” droned the droopy old bag. “Now, however, thanks to mobile phones and social networks, they find they are forced to make deeply hurtful comments about their peers around the clock - even when they are fast asleep in bed. Probably.”

A typically insensitive penis owner, however, cruelly suggested that Ms Gross, the conference and every girl in the country might want to “get over themselves” and, even worse, “take an interest for once in something outside their own spotty skins,” possibly involving steam engines.