‘Death To My Enemies,’ Urges Palin In The Nicest Possible Way

This picture is completely meaningless

America’s next idiot president, Sarah Palin, has reacted angrily to suggestions that publishing a graphic of congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords with cross-hairs superimposed on it might in some way have given ranty loner gunman Jared Looner the idea to shoot her.

“Anti-American gay commies are making unresponsible statements about mah rilly responsible publicity campaign,” screeched Ms Palin. “Well, since when did anyone ever take anything ah say seriously? Ha! Got ya there, ya pinko scumbags!”

“Ah urge all mah supporters to grab their weapons, go out and shoot me a lefty liberal before sundown,” she screamed in a video statement aired across the United States. “Of course, ah mean this solely in the context of political rhetoric, and it should in no way be taken as a call to pump every last filthy Democrat fulla lead.”

“Let me make this crystal clear,” she added vehemently, as images of every Democratic politician flashed across the nation’s screens, marked with 50 points on the chest and 100 for a headshot. “The last idea ah want to put in mah supporters’ redneck heads is a massive armed uprising against the Democrats, who undoubtedly deserve to go down in a hail of bullets, and anybody who says otherwise must be put up against a hypothetical wall and metaphorically shot.”