Man Killed By Unmanned Drone Was Definitely Blofeld, Say Intelligence Sources

If this is filling your sights, do you wait for an ID check?

A British man blown apart by a robot plane in the middle of nowhere on Pakistan’s border last month was undoubtedly the notorious criminal mastermind Ernst Stavro Blofeld, according to a man in a dark overcoat wearing a black fedora and sunglasses and holding a copy of Racing Post.

“As CIA joystick expert Felix Leiter peered into his VGA screen – hey, y’gotta believe me on this - he clearly saw the target open a drawer in his Vegas-size desk an’ take out one sour-lookin’ cat,” whispered the source, as he stepped away from the lamp-post’s glare. “The target stroked the cat for a few seconds, then reached for a big red box in the middle of the desk. Well, what would you have done, huh?”

“Right then Agent Leiter had no way of knowing if that box would detonate a stolen Limey H-bomb, activate a laser satellite, push China into startin’ World War Three or unleash biological warfare on England’s spud crop,” he explained. “So he let rip with a coupla Hellfires, see, just to be on the safe side. Turns out the box was a humidor and the guy was just after a cigar, but hell, better safe than sorry - that’s the first thing they teach ya. I tell ya, pal, any dude with a desk that big in the middle of a dusty goddam field’s gotta be upta somethin’ heinous.”

“Say, did I tell ya we found traces of white fur floatin’ on the breeze durin’ the mop-op phase? What more d’ya need, f’chrissakes?” he added, before disappearing silently down a manhole.