‘Oh, Please Don’t Throw Us Into That Briar Patch, Brer Britain,’ Plead Chuckling Icelanders

The citizens of Iceland are still wearing shit-eating grins today, after Foreign Secretary William Hague threatened to use Britain’s veto to block their hard-up nation’s hideously expensive application for membership of the European Union.

The sanction was proposed at the EU summit in Brussels on Friday, with Mr Hague warning that – as far as Britain and Holland, the two countries worst-hit by the collapse of pretend bank Icesave, were concerned – Iceland’s eventual membership would be strictly contingent on meeting its financial obligations.

“After the inevitable collapse of our stupendously imaginary banking system two years ago, my share of the national debt is currently about 116,000 of your British pounds,” smiled brennivín-soaked Odd Thorgeirsson, as he staggered from one jam-packed Reykjavík bar to another. “Thank you, Mr Hague - you magnificent English baldy twit - for threatening to spare me the extra £16.60 that this Kr990m EU application was going to cost me.”

“Nobody here but our stupid government wanted to join anyway,” belched his friend, Þrud Bárbarían, amiably. “We have more than enough corrupt idiots ruining our lives already, thanks.”

In the meantime, other European financial ministers are said to be earnestly discussing the possibility of applying Mr Hague’s membership condition to £800m-short Britain itself.