Top General Urges Defence Spending On Computer Security, Not Things That Go Bang

The head of the British Army, General Sir David Richards, today launched a sensational attack on the government's defence spending on traditional weapons the country cannot afford, claiming that the MoD should concentrate on cyber-threats instead and pop down to PC World to pick up Norton 360 for fifty quid.

"I am not proposing that we get rid of all our more traditional military capability," said Sir David. For example, we can keep our fleet of sixties-designed Harriers flying until they fall apart. As for our aircraft carrier program, why not just plonk a Harrier or two on every cross-channel ferry instead?"

Citing the estimated £110m unit cost of the delayed next-generation Nimrod MRA4 aircraft, Sir David pointed out that, in a crisis, the government would spend less if it simply requisitioned every restored Spitfire and Hurricane in the country.

"They were good enough to win the Battle of Britain," he pointed out confidently.

Urging the use of unpiloted reconnaissance drones, Britain's top soldier pointed out that radio-controlled replicas of the legendary Lockheed SR-71 'Blackbird' spy-plane were available on the internet for a bargain $279.99.

He also called for Britain's front-line troops to be phased out and replaced with the country's leading Call of Duty 2 players.

"Anyone who can complete that game is clearly a top-notch machine killer with the lightning reactions needed for the electronic battlefields of tomorrow," he said. "And as long as they get a regular supply of Doritos and Red Bull, they'll work for nothing."