Obscenely Overvalued Pigs Snap Up Obscenely Overvalued Pigs

As the cash-strapped British public digs deep into its pockets to raise millions of pounds for Haitian earthquake relief, top London grocer Selfridges has come up with an innovative new way to help the City's banking community to flaunt its utter contempt for basic human decency by tempting them to squander £1,800 on a pig's leg.

The world's most expensive ham comes complete with its own DNA certificate proving that it was hacked off the back end of a pig. 50 limited-edition pigs picked out by Spanish bleeder Manuel Malbastardo were humanely spared from spending their brief lives trying not to drown in their own shit, then lovingly slaughtered by sloe-eyed virgins. After being left to ripen for three years, the pig legs were put in made-to-measure boxes made of wood from the one true cross and blessed by three popes, which were then wrapped in aprons handmade from the skin of a peasant by Spain's most unscrupulous tailor.

"Uncaring fat cat bankers will appreciate the melt-in-the-mouth price tag of this truly amazing Spanish pig leg," explained Selfishes' Obscene Food Buyer. "When you think about how much pseudo-gourmet bollocks you'll yammer as you greedily spray gobbets of dead pig all over the impoverished clients to whose accounts you're charging it, it's actually amazing value for money."