Plymothians - who have long been told by their councillors that their lives will be filled with unbounded joy when their remote city is finally "on the map" - are filled with expectation after Plymouth police arrested a female nursery worker in connection with child pornography.
"I switched on the news yesterday evening, and there was Plymouth, on screen, on a map," said a delighted local this morning. "This woman has done what a wonky shopping mall, several half-empty luxury apartment buildings on the waterfront and a distinctly average university have failed to do. Now everyone in Britain knows where we are, and probably even further afield too. Now we can all sit back and wait for the glory days to begin."
Others in the south-west city were less optimistic, however.
"I thought we'd be in clover last year, when Plymouth made national headlines for a group of parents encouraging their toddlers to beat the living shit out of each other on camera," said a resident of Swilly. "We were on a map then, too - but after all the hoo-hah died down, it didn't actually attract any real investment. I don't know, perhaps there may be more to regenerating a failing, bankrupt city than just being on a map."
City councillors, however, stuck doggedly to their assurances, claiming that the map was probably just not quite big enough.
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