After Greater Manchester Police admitted they had released without charge all 12 men arrested under suspicion of plotting the bombing of the Arndale Centre, Manchester Airport and Bez from the Happy Mondays, it has been announced that the government may deport 11 of them anyway, for being unspeakably and wilfully foreign in a public place.
The 11 Pakistanis, ten of whom who were legitimately in the UK on student visas, are now in the custody of the UK Border Agency.
"We are seeking to remove these men on the grounds of national security," said Gordon Brown's spokesman. "Where a foreign national poses a threat to the country, we will seek to exclude or deport them as appropriate. Alternatively, when we find they pose no danger whatsoever but we've made ourselves look like twats, the Home Secretary has the power to kick innocent foreigners out of Britain without a shred of hard evidence, just because the police didn't like the colour of their skin."
"The Special Immigration Appeals Commission can hold its kangaroo courts in secret, giving full consideration to dodgy so-called intelligence reports that would be laughed out of any criminal court," he added. "And when these foreigners are duly slung onto the first plane out of the country, the police can say, 'See, we told you there was something shifty about them.' Handy, isn't it?"
Meanwhile Peter Fahy, Chief Constable of the Gemastapo - formerly the Greater Manchester State Police - told reporters that he was not embarrassed by the debâcle.
"It's just bloody hot in here, that's all," said the purple-faced Mr Fahy, his eyes fixed on the fast-growing puddle of sweat at his feet.