As millions of His followers celebrated his resurrection today, Jesus dramatically emerged from a giant fissure in the earth in the devastated Italian city of l'Aquila.
"Tada!" said the famously meek Son of God, winking cheekily and giving the thumbs-up to dust-covered emergency crews as they paused from their grisly task of pulling corpses from their shattered homes. "Hi everybody, I'm back! Did you miss me?"
The Saviour of Mankind then noticed the scenes of destruction all around him, muttered, "Whoops" and beat a hasty retreat back into the ground, as an angry crowd began to gather.
When news of the abortive Second Coming of Christ reached the Vatican, the gold-laden Pope looked up briefly from his sumptuous banquet and asked, "Who?"