Millions of Britons came home from work today to find all of their treasured posessions on the lawn under a huge ‘Property Sold’ sign, as the banks repossessed every mortgaged house in the land.
“We’re just saving you the trouble of worrying about the future,” explained a spokesman for the nation’s major lenders. “Let’s face it, none of you have a hope in hell of keeping up with your skyrocketing monthly payments. Repossessions were already up 71% last quarter, so all we’ve done is to spare you from months of stress and uncertainty. You’ll be pleased to know that we’ve sold the lot to BP for a tidy sum, as they seem to be awash with money at the moment. What they paid us for your houses ensures the survival of Britain’s banks and, more importantly, secures our annual bonuses.”
“Don’t worry about looking after your families,” added the spokesman, before speeding off to Quaglino’s in his Bentley. “We got a few quid for them, too.”
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