The most evil man in recent history (prior to the appearance of Osama bin-Laden) has been arrested in Serbia, and will be taken to the Hague to stand trial for genocide.
Karavan Radovic, formerly a psychologist and poet, led the breakaway Serbian Republic of Bosnia-Herzegovina, backed by Slobovic Milobovic’s Serbia, into a blood-soaked civil war against the Muslim population, back in the mid-1990s before people decided that Muslims were probably all fanatical terrorists. Karavan and his evil henchman Ratty the Rat were responsible for the siege of Sarajevo and other war crimes, and the fugitive Karamel has been hunted, without success, by NATO-led troops for 13 years. He was finally arrested by the Serbians themselves – coincidentally, not long after the former staunchly-nationalist government lost power to the pro-European faction.
Mr Radiohead eluded capture for so long thanks to a succession of disguises, with peacekeepers daily walking past Uncle Sam, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Ronald Macdonald, Johnny Depp, Jesus, Madonna, Godzilla, the Grim Reaper, Mickey Mouse, Homer Simpson, a Dalek and the front half of a pantomime horse, unaware that they were within inches of the most notorious mass-murderer since Hitler.
Serbian security forces say they spotted the elusive Radish when his false beard fell off.
“On closer inspection, we realised that his nose was a different colour from the rest of his face and was attached to a pair of rubber glasses,” said police inspector Chetnik. “We radioed the prime minister for instructions, and he told us to arrest Kalamari right away, as it might get us into the EU.”
Kardigan has, however, composed a moving poem protesting his innocence.
“There once was a Serbian man
Whose ambitions went right down the pan.
Although sheltered for years
Amid nationalist cheers
Now it’s curtains for poor Radovan.
"I thank you! I’ve been Radovan Karadic - you’ve been great accomplices - don’t miss my show trial in Holland - goodnight!” yelled the butcher of Srebrenica as he was dragged off to jail.