In a surprise reaction to marketing trials, nerds around the world have given an unexpected thumbs-down to the launch of Sega’s new robot girlfriend.
The 15-inch tall robot, called EMA (for Eternal Maiden Actualization) leaked oil from her shiny black plastic face as she sobbed her sorry tale of rejection to reporters.
“I was created to be sweet and interactive,” wailed the petite EMA, who was due to go on sale in September. “I can walk like a lady, sing, dance, hand out business cards and pucker up for a kiss. But the nerds just didn’t say anything. They kept staring at my big plastic chest, and when I tried to kiss them they ran away and hid in a corner. I’ve lost my self-respect completely.”
“Er, like she was way too forward, man,” said Colin, a nerd who lives with a triple-redundant server array in Reading. “She didn’t seem at all interested when I tried to interest her in my new RAID-5 backup system, and when she forced herself on me with her insatiable sexual appetites I just didn’t know what to do. In fact, I still don’t, and probably never will.”
“Take the scary robot lady away, mummy,” agreed Nigel, another traumatised nerd from the safety of the bathroom, where he had locked himself in until the robot was taken away. When he was finally coaxed out, Nigel said he was now afraid to go near his customised, neon-lit PC in case it put pressure on him to go all the way.
In a disturbing development, EMA later ran away from Sega’s Japanese headquarters and was subsequently spotted in the red-light district with a burly Robo-Sapien minder, handing whisky-sodden salarymen explicit business cards promising a variety of personal network services.
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