Brown Honours Ordinary Celebrities

Gordon Brown has underlined the difference in style between himself and Tony Blair, with the publication of the Queen’s Birthday Honours List.

“People were highly critical of my predecessor’s habit of rewarding celebrities for just doing their highly-paid jobs,” said the PM. “But I made a promise to the British people to end the glitzy but empty parade of celebrity photo-ops. That is why I have only rewarded ordinary citizens who have genuinely worked behind the scenes to make Britain a better place.

“Des O’Connor gets a well-deserved CBE for proving that senility need not barrier to employment, while Russell T Davies’ OBE is for bringing Doctor Who back to defend us from the aliens and Dot Cotton’s MBE recognises her contribution to the smoking debate. Paul O’Grady receives an MBE for being the thinking man’s crumpet for 40 years, while Joan Bakewell becomes a pantomime dame for tirelessly promoting the image of cross-dressing Scousers. Is that right?”

“I’ve also given a few gongs to the usual shady characters in the civil service, the city and the defence industry,” added Mr Brown confidentially, “But don’t say anything about that, will you? It’s my little secret.”