A coalition of charities is, for the first time, lobbying the UK government to stop jailing women convicted of non-violent crimes.
“Women’s needs have never been very influential in the design or concept of prisons,” said Teresa Elwes of the Bromley Trust.
According to the Howard League for Penal Reform, “Women in custody remain locked into an inhumane system with heavy-handed levels of punishment, poorly-trained staff, inadequate healthcare and sparse opportunities for rehabilitation and family contact.”
The report notes that male inmates are frequently asked if their prisons could be rebuilt to suit them better, with kindly, caring prison officers and Harley Street consultants on hand to minister to their needs and desires.
“All we are saying is that all women are delicate little flowers, apart from the chavs who eat their own young of course,” said convicted drug baroness Enid ‘The Godmother’ Blyton. “The system doesn’t take into account the extenuating circumstances of most female criminals, which are invariably caused by some bloke or other - like our dads, husbands and pimps. I should be let out immediately - my customers are suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms and it’s hard for me to care for them while some work-experience screws are stamping on my head while cruelly denying me my right to breast enlargement therapy.”
Men around Britain’s prisons agreed, saying that none of them had ever had it so rough as women. “Me and me mates had privileged middle-class backgrounds where we wanted for nothing,” said Norman Stanley Fletcher from his penthouse cell. “Women should be allowed to commit all the crime they want. And then send the proceeds to me, care of HMP Slade know what I mean?”
No comments:
Post a Comment