Lack Of Mirrors Hindering Labour's Time For Reflection

A period of solemn reflection begins

Despite calls for a period of solemn reflection following its trouncing at the polls, it appears that nobody in the party can actually find a mirror.

"I have absolutely no idea what I look like," admitted lifelong socialist and recent party member Rob Rich, "so I asked my ex-MP and he wasn't very helpful at all."

"Anyway, I don't need to know what I look like," he added. "I know what neo-Blairite class traitors look like and I'm going to rearrange their faces."

"I don't know what I look like either," tweeted former transport minister Lord Adonis, "but it doesn't matter because I can spot a stupid entryist Trot when I see one, and I intend to show them all the door."

"I know what you all look like," growled a disgruntled former Labour voter as the almighty party punch-up began - but he was brusquely kicked aside by Richard Burgon, who is labouring under the delusion that he looks like leadership material.