Jeremy Corbyn, some sort of Leader of some sort of Opposition, today answered growing calls for his resignation, explaining that he had "just a few odd jobs to attend to first."
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| Kicking against the... |
Emerging from Labour HQ in a grimy overall with a bricklayer's trowel in his hand, the utterly defeated former favourite of the radical left wing of the party announced that he would be gone just as soon as he'd made some DIY alterations involving the old coal bunker in the cellar, a pallet of bricks and his camera-shy advisor and former Stalinist, Seumas Milne.
"You know, I've already replaced the floorboards in the conference room with Len McCluskey," added Mr Corbyn, "and John McDonnell is helping Karie Murphy to take a close look at a blockage in the chimney before he leaves."
At this point, the ubiquitous Ash Sarkar leapt out of an Uber to explain the concept of DIY to Britain's doomed youth, but Mr Corbyn suddenly turned pale and hurriedly retreated indoors as a Jewsons lorry arrived to drop a ton of bricks.
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