Miliband Publishes List Of Working-Class People He’s Had Dinner With

Mr Miliband will have whatever you're having

As pressure mounts on David Cameron to tell the whole truth for once, Miliband Two added fuel to the fire by releasing an exhaustive list of every ordinary member of the public with whom he has ever shared a table but not the bill.

“I am proud to say that my dinner parties clearly show that, unlike Mr Cameron, I keep my feet firmly on the ground by only dining with typical members of the general public,” droned the Labour leader. “Lord Sugar, for example, is as common as muck and taught me a lot of rude words. And my gosh, I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my pasty when cheeky chappie Sir George Iacobescu was telling me about all the attractive ladies he’d wolf-whistle as he was building Canary Wharf with his own two hands.”

Meanwhile, deputy PM Nick Clegg earnestly invited anyone at all to dine with him, adding that no donations were necessary but it would be nice if they could bring along a bottle of Lambrini.