James Murdoch Has ‘No Recollection’ Of Resigning

Confusion reigns at BSkyB tonight, with ex-chairman James Murdoch barricaded inside his office whilst resolutely denying ever having seen the resignation email he wrote this morning.

“Re: My role within the BsSkyB management structure,” observed Mr Murdoch through the keyhole. “A water-cooler meme of what must be seen as entirely subjective accuracy has lately crossed my awareness threshold, viz.: I have resigned.”

James Murdoch wonders where his desk has gone

“Whilst it is neither my desire - nor indeed my role - to belittle the inherent value of grape-based data distribution networks as a vehicle for dynamic mission-related interchange,” he droned, “I consider it vital - for reasons of ongoing corporate integrity - to categorically state, according to the degree of authority associated with my status within our organisational hierarchy, that I have absolutely no recollection of ever reading any such communication.”

“This memo, it should be noted, constitutes neither confirmation nor refutal of the undeniable evidence that I am clearly the originator of the document in question, namely my resignation,” he acknowledged. “The key issue at stake here is, naturally, that if I say I have not read the message then it must be understood that I can neither be a) held to account for it nor b) expected to act upon it.”

Mr Murdoch then instructed his former PA to explain to visitors that he was in a very important meeting, and went on with his normal routine of staring at a blank screen whilst trying to open a doughnut.