England Fans Finally Beginning To Understand Why Their Teams Are Full Of Foreigners

As the FA meets to consider how Fabio Capello will be publicly executed, millions of sobbing England football fans are starting to exhibit early signs that a glimmer of understanding has dawned on them, linking the preponderance of foreign players in the domestic leagues in some way to their national side’s lacklustre performance in the World Cup.

In comparison to the lithe, gazelle-like foreign teams bounding majestically across the South African turf, England’s stumpy native players can easily be distinguished by prominent, ridged brows which overshadow their little piggy eyes as they extend down to their prognathous lower jaws, making them resemble monstrous troll/clam hybrids, or possibly Klingons with alopecia.

“It looks like our century-long pedigree breeding programme, taking advantage of rampant inner-city incest to produce the perfect footballer, may have backfired horribly,” conceded an FA spokesman, shortly after the national side’s crashing 4-1 humiliation at the hands of the German side.

The tennis at Wimbledon is suddenly achieving record viewing figures, however, as disgusted fans turn their backs on the World Cup and switch their loyal support to Andy Murray.

“I hear this Murray bloke’s in with a bloody good chance of putting the ball in the net,” grunted a typical tearstained fan, cheering loudly at every bad serve. “What? Oh.”

Meanwhile, somewhere in the world, Lewis Hamilton’s rocket-powered bathtub was beaten into second place by somebody or other - probably a foreigner - although nobody was there to see it.