Bruno Ganz Declares War On Internet

The world has today found itself plunged into bloody conflict, as the wrath of Bruno Ganz was brutally unleashed upon a defenceless internet.

Screaming his message of hate in German, the Swiss actor-turned-warmonger declared that he was "no longer prepared to endure this humiliation at the hands of every pissy little wankstain who's figured out how to add captions to video clips."

With the launch of yet another tiresome and predictable YouTube posting - in which, predictably, the tiresome actor appears to be ranting about the predictable shortcomings of the tiresome Apple iPad via a tiresome sequence of predictable subtitles - it is now estimated that there are now more mashups featuring Ganz than the total audience numbers for Downfall, the film about Hitler's final days in his Berlin bunker, from which the predictable scene has been tiresomely ripped.

All over the world, shocked fans of the clips are reeling before the actor's lightning assault.

"That Hitler guy just cracks me up every time," whimpered netfugee Dave Ork, a freelance website designer from Hoboken, N.J., pathetically clutching his only remaining possession, a hastily-ripped DVD+R of his favourite non-amusing bunker rants. "I so agree with everything he says. Like, why would anyone want to exterminate me?"