The Catholic Church has benevolently decided to lock Susanna Maiolo - the woman who knocked Pope Benedict XVI to the ground - away in a mental institution, without trial, for a very long time.
Offences which take place within Vatican City are normally referred, as a matter of routine, to the Italian legal system for trial and sentencing. However, in a touching seasonal demonstration of God's infinite mercy, Vatican authorities have in this case decided to deal with the incident internally, thus sparing his Italian flock from the trouble of having to listen to the defendant explaining the reasons for her action in a court of law.
Instead, the deeply-troubled Ms Maiolo will receive the loving and attentive ministrations of the Pope's most loyal nuns, and kept well away from the troublesome influence of the temporal world until the Pope's most loyal nuns feel that she is fully cured of her terrible affliction of not regarding His Holiness as the inviolable right hand of God.
"I'll teach that bitch to fuck with me," said the Pope in his traditional Boxing Day address to the faithful. "In nomine patris, filii et spiritus sancti, Heil Hitler."
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