Police chiefs in England and Wales have angrily denied claims made in Nothing to Hide, Nothing to Fear? - a report published today by the Human Genetics Commission - that officers were arresting innocent citizens on the slightest of legal pretexts, simply to get as many people as possible onto the national DNA database.
"This is plainly wrong," said a spokesman for the Association of Chief Police Officers. "If it were so, we'd be arresting the Justice Secretary - and, for that matter, ourselves - for keeping the database up and running, despite a ruling last year from the European Court of Human Rights that retaining the profiles of anybody released without charge is illegal."
"Having said that, with Christmas round the corner, people should be aware that the eating of mince pies on Christmas Day has been against the law in England since Cromwell's time," he went on. "We shall also be cracking down on those who callously stick stamps on upside down, improvise home-made devices for sliding on ice or snow, or wantonly break eggs open at the pointy end."
"And I say this to the so-called 'ladies' who openly eat chocolate on public transport, and the sociopathic taxi drivers who neglect to ask their passengers if they have smallpox," he added. "We know who you are, and where you live. These evil desperadoes can shortly expect to receive their just desserts - namely, a jab in the arm in the middle of the night."
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