The notorious dissident Jeremy Clarkson has been brought back to the UK and hanged today for the heinous crime of making disparaging remarks about the glorious father of our nation.
Clarkson - a pathological deviant with a deplorable history of thought-crimes - shocked the world yesterday by calling Gordon Brown a “one-eyed Scottish idiot” during an interview in Australia. Acting with commendable zeal, the brave MI5 covert-surveillance team assigned to Clarkson promptly seized him as he returned to his hotel, and sent him back to Britain in a diplomatic bag to face the richly-deserved reward for his hate-filled reactionary outburst.
A portable gallows was set up at the airport where, to the continuous cheers of patriotic citizens, a subdued and sullen Clarkson was subjected to prolonged denunciations by leading members of the Scottish Labour Party for several hours before finally being dragged up to the scaffold to meet his well-earned fate.
His pathetic corpse was then dragged though the streets behind a Bugatti Veyron driven by a triumphant PM. It is currently being cut into quarters, which will be placed on public display in Edinburgh, Glasgow, Dundee and Aberdeen.
“No longer will our great nation have to put up with the disloyal ravings of this deranged madman,” proclaimed Scotttish Labour MP Jim Dour. “Our great prime minister may well be a one-eyed idiot, but there was no need to remind anyone he’s a Scot. Er… whoops.”
The treacherous Dour was instantly manhandled into a pillory by party officials and pelted with rotten vegetables by enraged citizens.