This morning’s front pages were filled with brutal images of grisly, wanton slaughter in the streets, bringing shocked Britons face-to-face with the horrifying, random death of Woolworths.
With urban streetscenes all over the country transformed into deserted war-zones, the latest outrage saw over 100 innocent tat-shops twitching in their death-throes after the latest outbreak of senseless market blood-letting. Numbed citizens walked around in a daze, asking themselves how a loving God could allow such awful carnage to happen.
“I can‘t believe this could happen here,” said one white-faced bystander. “One minute I was cheerfully wandering around, looking for a cheap Britney Spears calendar, then suddenly prices were dropping all around me. I hid in the bargain basement until it was all over. When I came out, Woolies was just a bloody mess.”
Crap chipboard-wardrobe emporium MFI was named as another victim of the market attack. The DIY store tried in vain to make it out of town, but was ruthlessly cut down nonetheless.
The gruesome images of high-street destruction flashed across the world, bringing messages of support from as far away as India.
“What kind of shadowy, irresponsible organisation could be behind such a tragedy?” asked one Mumbai hotelier, his mundane routine of scrubbing blood from his bullet-riddled lobby momentarily forgotten as the ghastly images of much-loved stores slumped lifeless in the street seared themselves forever into his paralysed mind.
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