Human rights group Amnesty International has voiced concerns about the government’s plans to deploy 10,000 ED-209 law enforcement robots on the streets of Britain.
The planned replacement of front-line police officers with an army of cannon-armed ED-209s was announced by Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, in a move to tackle rising street crime. However, critics say that the robots - armed with multi-barrelled 20mm cannon - are ‘potentially lethal’, pointing to a drastic rise in shredded perps in the United States and Canada where the OCP-designed droids are already in common use.
The Home Secretary’s announcement received a slight setback when she was blasted to ribbons by a malfunctioning ED-209 at the press launch of the new policy, as baffled technicians grappled frantically with the control console. An OCP spokesman later claimed that, after the robot had challenged her to put down the bottle of Bacardi Breezer she had been waving as part of the press demonstration, it merely failed to hear the bottle fall.
“Britain’s nutter-infested streets aren’t carpeted like the Home Office,” smiled OCP vice-president Dick Jones, “So this glitch won‘t manifest itself on operations.”
Mr Jones also explained that, after watching old videos of Robot Wars, OCP was fitting the latest ED-209s with a spring-loaded self-righting mechanism, in case they should fall down stairs whilst pursuing fleeing yobs.
Meanwhile, Amnesty urged the tattered, bloody remains of the Home Secretary to consider less controversial alternatives to the ED-209 - such as the cyborg prototype that screamed insanely and wrenched its own head off.
“That would certainly stop the average piss-artist in their tracks, wouldn‘t it?” explained a cardigan-wearing spokesman.
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