There’s More Hacking Fun In The Sun!

Their worthless details have been pointlessly stolen

Hordes of online Sun readers who give the tabloid their benefit of their balanced and informed opinions –that David Cameron is a snake and Nick Clegg is a sheep and therefore neither of them deserves a holiday, for example – have, predictably, discovered today that they may well be victims of illegal hacking.

For once, News International was not responsible for the hack attack – except, of course, insofar as failing to install proper security protection for personal details entered via their website.

Strangely enough, calls to Rupert and James Murdoch asking them what it feels like to be the victims of lawbreaking hackers, rather than just employing them, have so far gone unanswered.

Jenson Button Hoax Taken Down

Formula One racing driver Jenson Button was taken offline today, after his shocked and angry fans discovered they had been the victims of an elaborate hoax.

Which one's Button?

“We apologise unreservedly for this tasteless hoax which has been perpetrated on the British public for many years,” admitted a red-faced McLaren spokesman, “But there is absolutely no truth in the existence of Jenson Button. He was started as a joke by the Williams team in the 2000 race season, and we - along with all the other teams he’s supposedly driven for - kept the joke going because we don’t like it to be generally known that Formula One cars pretty much drive themselves nowadays, with just a little input from the race engineers to tweak a parameter or two between pit-stops.”

“As for Lewis Hamilton, he drives one of our trucks from one track to another,” he added sheepishly. “We thought it would be a laugh to dress a black guy up in racing overalls and see if anyone fell for it. All the teams do this sort of thing. If you go to any of the European races, you’ll find the chap selling you an ice cream is probably ‘Fernando Alonso’.”

Sports aficionados, meanwhile, are laughing at the gullibility of F1 fans – pointing out that, for many years now, not a single ‘driver’ has anything which could be described as a personality.

News Of The World Exclusive: Hitler Only Heard About World War II In 1945 Surrender Demand

A concerned Hitler delivers a stern memo to the naughty Germans

A shocked Adolf Hitler only found out that the nation he ruled was fighting a brutal war of extermination in February 1945, when he received a stern ultimatum demanding his unconditional surrender signed by Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Josef Stalin, according to astonishing new research by former News Of The World editor Rebekah Brooks.

“Imagine how poor old Adolf felt,” writes Mrs Brooks. “It must have come as a nasty shock when he realised he was being held personally responsible for the demise of 50 million people the irresponsible German people had sneakily killed without bothering to tell him.”

“Hitler was particularly upset to hear of their underhanded slaughter of six million of his very good friends, the Jews,” she explains in her astounding report. “There can be no doubt that the Allies’ vindictive accusations triggered a rapid mental breakdown which regrettably led to his tragic suicide two months later, and we should deplore our wartime leaders for vindictively pursuing a needless and petty vendetta against this deeply misunderstood, mild-mannered humanitarian.”

“With the benefit of hindsight, the Allies should have concentrated on wiping out the German people, who are a thoroughly disreputable bunch of sneaks and cheats, and recognised Hitler’s innocence by allowing him to carry on governing the rest of Europe,” she concludes.