Mr Speaker! My DVD Player Won't Upscale to HDMI

Britain’s MPs are facing heavy criticism following the publication of the so-called ‘John Lewis list’ – the Additional Costs Allowance which reimburses up to £23,000 a year to fit out their second homes in London.

The list – published for the first time after a Freedom of Information request was upheld – includes up to £6,335 for a new bathroom, £200 for a kitchen blender, £750 each for a TV or stereo, £270 for a DVD player and £795 for a sideboard.

John Lewis is used as a price guide because it “came out top of all retail shops” in Which? magazine; but Matthew Elliott of the Taxpayers’ Alliance said: “It is hardly the cheapest place to purchase household goods. How many ordinary taxpayers spend £1,500 on a TV and stereo when there are cheaper deals elsewhere?”

MPs have been angered by the latest in a series of embarrassing exposures of their financial arrangements which, they say, make them feel like “crooks”.

The Nev Filter carried out some in-depth research of its own into the costs of household items. After leafing through an old Argos catalogue, we found that £750 would not even buy a 40-in LCD telly, while £270 was not nearly enough for a Blu-Ray DVD player, and the top-of-the-range 1000-watt Kenwood Chef was way beyond the means of MPs at £320. On the plus side, though, their priciest stereo cost under £750, even with the MP3 jukebox thrown in and a turntable for old times’ sake. However, MPs pointed out that Argos stereos were hardly hi-fi, and a decent Denon home-cinema AV receiver alone could easily set them back £2000.

Some deeper research at Cash Converters, however, showed that a used Sony DVD player could be picked up for under £20, sometimes even with the remote, and a telly with an old-fashioned, but perfectly good 28” tube could be picked up for under a hundred nicker.

“What’s a Cash Converter?” said one blank-faced Labour MP when we presented our findings. “Sorry, I’ve just had an email from my fridge on the iPaq, telling me the canelloni’s dangerously close to its sell-by date. Must dash. Pip pip, old boy!”