Hospital chiefs have reacted to public outrage over the routine weekly discharging of thousands of patients into the dead of night by inviting Britain to drag itself kicking and screaming into the endless 24-hour utopia that is the 21st century.
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| NHS chiefs thought you'd be glad to escape |
“Look at it this way,” said Brichester NHS Hospitals Trust CEO Roland Franklyn. “Thanks to the communications consoles we’ve installed over every bed whether you want one or not, we know that more and more patients are passing the tedious hours of their post-op recovery by ordering all sorts of crap on the internet or via the shopping channels. By wheeling them out of the door in the wee small hours, we’re making sure they’re ready and waiting at home when the courier turns up at 7am sharp on their doorstep with their deliveries.”
“So this is the thanks we get for trying to be helpful, is it?” he sneered. “The society that never sleeps is OK when it suits you, but not when it suits us? Screw you. Have it your own way, just don’t expect a bed all to yourself when you come round from the anaesthetic. Let’s see how you enjoy spending a whole night trying to avoid the spreading patch of old Mrs Simpkin’s wee.”
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