Bigots Place Trust In Courts, Not God

Magic Sky Pixie Issues, a pressure group dedicated to spreading their imaginary friend’s hatred of touching other men’s bottoms through the evangelical ministry of buses, is formally transferring its faith from God to the English legal system as it threatens to sue London mayor Boris Johnson for banning The Sermon On The 29A.

Christians need no further explanation

The group - which claims that homosexuals can be cured simply by spending the rest of their lives nodding intensely at the delusions of raving bigots - has chosen not to curse Mr Johnson with the traditional smiting of boils or plaguing of locusts, preferring instead to place its hopes in a letter from their learned friends, who are eagerly putting together an unarguable set of eye-watering fees.

“I didn’t realise I was living in a Stalinist police state,” ranted Mike Davidson, co-director and 50% of the membership of Magic Sky Pixie Issues, “Although I daresay the Magic Sky Pixie probably found a little corner of heaven for Stalin in the end - Hitler too, come to think of it - on account of their commendably Old Testament treatments for knob jockeys.”

“You see, there’s a little bit of the divine in everybody,” he smiled radiantly. “Not his cock, though. That would definitely be a sin.”