Serbs Celebrate Tolerance, Freedom Of Expression And Assembly With Anti-Gay Riot

Serbia demonstrated its readiness for EU membership today by holding the first Gay Pride march in the capital, Belgrade, for nine years. Its citizens then demonstrated why the saying ‘as unbigoted as a Serb’ has not yet gained common currency, by bombarding the marchers with petrol bombs before setting fire to the headquarters of the Democratic Party.

Serbian Orthodox Church patriarch Irinej Gavrilovica had earlier urged his deeply religious countrymen to exercise restraint.

“I beg all good Christian Serbs to show tolerance and respect for these perverted, unnatural abominations,” he told the faithful in an address on Friday. “Don’t kill them. Ask yourselves what Jesus would have done, and content yourselves with just kicking the evil gay crap out of them.”

Serbs hope their quaint national custom of murderous hate will flourish in the EU

Just before the march the head of the EU mission in Serbia, Vincent Degert, addressed 1,000 gay activists in downtown Belgrade.

“We are here to celebrate the Serbian values of tolerance, freedom of expression and assembly,” observed M. Degert, before sending them out beyond the safety cordon of riot police and armoured vehicles with his best wishes for their survival.

“I’ve been good. It’s been fifteen years since I last slaughtered anyone,” explained protester Petar Demonić moments later, as he hurled a blazing bottle at the marchers. “And even then it was only a couple of dozen Muslims. Can’t I kill some queers just this once, for old times’ sake?”

“I’m really looking forward to the EU,” he added cheerfully, as he headbutted a policeman. “Five hundred million people. So little time.”