Gordon Brown’s wife Sarah has made an unscheduled appearance on the platform at the Labour Party conference - introducing her husband on stage, as nobody else could be found who wanted to admit they knew him.
The prime minister’s wife has generally kept a low profile up to now, as any self-respecting person would under the circumstances. However, after ten minutes passed in embarrassed silence at the conference as the PM waited in the wings to be announced, she was heard to look upwards to heaven and mutter something under her breath before stamping up to the podium, grabbing the microphone and saying, “Since none of you gutless bastards wants the job, here’s my husband the prime minister, talking crap as usual. Clap if you want to, but don’t sit there yawning – Miliband; remember, you could have had a leadership contest last year if you weren’t all such a faceless bunch of non-entities.”
A glowering Mr Brown then slouched onto the stage and - in a keynote speech written by his new best friend JK Rowling - told an emptying hall about a strange fantasy world in which, after many trials and tribulations,