Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, is temporarily moving to a council estate in Hull for a two-part ITV documentary – imaginatively titled ‘The Duchess in Hull’ – in which she will bully a family of commoners into losing weight.
The Duchess said: "Weight issues affect all sorts of people from all walks of life. Obviously, of course, the only ones who generally get on TV are stereotypical underclass dullards, who make ideal targets for ridicule by their betters. The family I met in Hull live in a way that I hadn't experienced - feeding six on a week's benefits. Imagine that! Six people who have never even heard of Fortnum and Mason, let alone have an account with them. I didn’t know such creatures existed."
The Duchess has already been seen by locals shopping in budget supermarket Netto, where she spent a distressing half-hour searching in vain for organically-sourced rocket and fairtrade couscous.
"This programme is an attempt to explore solutions to the growing obesity problem in the UK,” added the Duchess. “I mean, obviously, sending a Royal divorcee into the homes of the nation's gutbuckets is not really a practical solution - especially since Anne and Charles are far too hoity-toity to parade themselves around on tawdry, finger-pointing stunts like this – but maybe I can at least inspire an army of smug, middle-class women to make loud, patronising comments about lardy proles in the hope that it might shame them into swallowing a few less burgers.”
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