The world’s largest passenger plane, Thunderbus 2-380, touched down at Heathrow Airport this afternoon, marking the first commercial flight into the UK by the enormous white elephant.
The ridiculously oversized aircraft - which consumes an entire fossil rainforest on every journey, spews out clouds of exhaust gases and casts its lowering shadow over entire cities in its passing - flew in from Singapore carrying 471 selfish passengers. As it landed, gouging deep furrows in the runway tarmac, it was greeted by a water-wasting salute from airport fire tenders.
Thunderbus 2-380 contains such luxuries as a revolving restaurant, a bowling alley, an Olympic-sized swimming pool. a shopping mall, an 18-hole golf course, a rail network and a pod containing a small yellow submersible.
During the flight the captain, Virgil Tracy, told passengers: “It is an absolute pleasure to fly this plane, or so the computer tells me. It's smooth and it's quiet up here in the crew sauna, and you don't feel it is a really big plane, unless of course you suffer from vertigo and look down the stairwell.”
Possibly the most selfish passenger on a flight full of selfish passengers was male nurse Mark Spotter from Southampton, who flew out from Heathrow and spent just eight hours in Singapore - for the sole purpose of being one of its first passengers.
“Sod the planet,” said Mr Spotter, “I’ve got a commemorative certificate with my name on it, signed by the pilot. The tree-huggers can get stuffed. Now I’m off to work, and too bad if any patients die because of my extreme jetlag.”
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