Britain’s legions of insane cat addicts today demanded the immediate execution of Springwatch presenter Chris Peckham, who dared to suggest that their beloved pet overlords may in some way be connected to the ongoing extinction of the nation’s fauna.
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| One day I shall be big enough to kill you LOL |
“How bloody dare he?” screeched willing ginger tom slave Emily Lovejoy, 40. “My beautiful Mr Kissy wub me with every fibre of his widdle kitty heart, yes don’t you cherub? If the sadistic glee of slaughtering a nestful of young blackbirds every night puts him in the right frame of mind for climbing all over my breakfast, waving his anus in my face or sitting on my fanny and rumbling – any of which fills me with delight – then, as an animal lover, I don’t have a problem with that. And any bastard who does must be cut into chunks, dried and put into a box of tasty treats.”
Mr Kissy, meanwhile, acknowledged his worshipper’s adulation by fixing her with his cold, soulless eyes and wishing he was big enough to snap her neck and chew her face off, which she unhesitatingly proclaimed as proof of his unconditional love.
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