Theresa May Urges Citizen Army To Repel Greek Hordes

The time for appeasement is over, says Mrs May

A cigar clenched in her mouth and flicking V-signs in the direction of Europe, home secretary Theresa May today delivered a stirring call to arms to the imperilled people of Britain - inviting them to sign up for the ‘Home Guard’ and defend Britain’s shores against imminent Greek invasion.

“Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous states have fallen or may fall into the grip of depressed euros and all the odious apparatus of fiscal rules, we shall not flag or fail,” Mrs May told a cheering Daily Telegraph. “We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight Greeks on the beaches, we shall fight Greeks on the landing grounds, we shall fight Greeks in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight Greeks in the hills; we shall never surrender.”

All over Britain, Mrs May’s incompetent but mustard-keen supporters took time out from marching round in circles, manning the barricades and muttering about fuzzy-wuzzies to sew inspiring new ‘Home Guard’ patches over their much-ridiculed ‘EDL’ armbands.

When reminded that the Conservatives had, in fact, surrendered the nation’s borders in 1973, Mrs May retorted that this was not their finest hour.