Andrew Marr To Lead Mail’s Holy Crusade To Save Christ

The righteous forces of Christian decency, a/k/a the Daily Mail, today proudly announced that the saintly Andrew Marr has seen the light and vowed to join its crusade to rescue their imperilled Lord and Saviour from the wicked BBC.

Mail readers plan to make their views known to the BBC

Archbishop Dacre solemnly warned a shocked world yesterday that “sin-loving cunts” who run the BBC have hatched a dastardly plot to murder Our Lord Jesus Christ by erasing His name from history, replacing the god-fearing ‘Anno Domini’ and ‘Before Christ’ with blasphemous references to some ghastly ‘common’ era which they fervently hope will utterly obliterate all of Our Blessed Lord and Master’s sacred years – erasing Him completely from human history.

“I do solemnly reject the heretic teachings of the BBC and humbly beg Archbishop Dacre’s sweet forgiveness,” grovelled the born-again penitent, prostrating himself before the righteous readers of Middle England. “Amen.”

“Let that awkward business about St. Andrew’s superinjunction concerning the unfortunate spilling of his seed in some non-matrimonial fanny now be cast into outer darkness,” proclaimed the acknowledged spiritual leader of Middle England, rising up and girding himself with the Armour of God, the Sword of Christ and the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. “Come, my devoted flock, and take up arms with us against the vile Mohammedan cunts of Shepherd’s Bush who flagrantly seek to wipe The Holy Lamb of God from the pages of history.”