Police Release Hideous Abomination Upon World

Aargh

Britain is cowering in its hovels tonight, as a rampaging monster cobbled together from parts of murder victims by hubristic police officers stalks the land seeking revenge.

The ungodly creation sprang to life at the height of a media storm, when auditors discovered that overreaching police forces deluded by their unhealthy obsessions have been furtively storing body parts in evidence rooms and canteen fridges for decades.

“We were just trying to create the perfect copper,” moaned project leader Superintendant Frank Einstein, after the vengeful creature cruelly tore him a new one. “The lads will be out all night, I promise you, scouring the countryside for anything they can use to fit up this unholy beast.”

STOP PRESS: Foul Creature Sighted In Arctic Waters

The grotesque approximation of police life has recently been sighted off the coast of Norway – where, its guilt-wracked creators suggest, it may be hoping to achieve some sort of acceptance in a bleak, desolate but critically-acclaimed Scandinavian investigative drama involving some sort of pullover.