Gaddafi Interviewed For Top Met Job

And he can supply his own uniform

The elusive Libyan leader, Colonel Gaddafi, confounded his angry people this morning by turning up suddenly at Scotland Yard to be interviewed for the Chief Commissioner vacancy.

While sporadic gunfire continues to erupt in Tripoli as inexplicably loyal government forces continue to hold the world’s media in a comfy hotel, the hated dictator sat quietly in a waiting room between Sir Hugh Orde and acting commissioner Tim Godwin, thumbing through an old issue of Jane’s Police Review and polishing his medals until the receptionist called out: “Colonel Muammar Muhammad al-Gaddafi, Dean of Arab Rulers, Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya, Keeper of Arab Nationalism, Head of the Coalition of Coast and Desert States, Brotherly Leader and Guide of the Revolution, Imam of Muslims and King of Kings of Africa – the panel will see you now.”

“Obviously I’m not at liberty to divulge what was discussed during the Colonel’s interview,” announced Home Secretary Theresa May later. “Wishy-washy liberals might think that recent events in Libya would count against him but, to give him his due, it’s rather exceptional for disorderly criminal elements to be backed up by NATO assault helicopters and strike fighters. Setting that aside, the preceding 41 years of maintaining strict public order is a magnificent record of civic authority which cannot easily be overlooked.”